Three Strange Angels

Things I could have said...

...(but never did).

I will miss you.

You touched my being.

Each letter was a gift that flew out of the cosmos and into my heart.

I only wish you joy and deep beauty, for that is what you gave me.

I will always be grateful for the experience we shared, even though the parting was painful.

The time we shared was brief, but it was intensely delicate and magical. Like a majestic feathered creature that flew on a current of hope and looked deeply into our souls, before disappearing from view.

Instead my last words were necessarily abrupt. Even detached.

You see I didn’t want you to look back.

I wanted you to look forward and walk deeper and deeper into your decision. To travel courageously into your life and realize your dreams there.

I did so because I have come to know that if you care for someone you must surrender selfish wants to their higher happiness.

So no regrets save this.

If I could do it all again I would have let you go with love.

Karmapa Chenno*

I was at a meditation workshop with Rob Nairn in the Magaliesburg some years ago, when I heard him tell a remarkable story about the 17th Karmapa, Ogyen Trinley Dorje.

Nairn had met the Karmapa and said that one of the most remarkable things about him, apart from his stature and compassionate power, was his ability to flow from one emotional state to another. As if he was able to truly feel the fullness of each emotion to its apex, and then simply let it go and move into the next.

I have often wondered why we hold on to emotion. And how we can get to fully being and feeling and living in our emotions, and then let those emotions fall from us when they are done. When we are done learning from them.

Instead we let fear rule us, we spew anger, we grasp at happiness and try to avoid pain.

It is interesting to note that the word 'emotion' comes from the Latin emovere, where e- means 'out' and movere means 'move'. I think the etymology of words offer strong clues to what those concepts mean (or should mean) in our lives.

I also thought that what if emotions (instead of ruling us) are supposed to flow within and through us, and transmute us?

Making us into more beautiful and compassionate human beings?

*Karmapa Chenno is a Karmapa mantra  that was introduced by the 8th Karmapa Mikyo Dorje (1507-1554) in the context of a teaching about the tradition of  "Calling the Lama from afar." 

Written in Tibetan like this:

it literally means "Embodiment of the compassion of all Buddhas, take heed of me."

You have sharp edges...

..where I have bruising.

How is it that you used the word love when you told me you were leaving?

That I should remember you, each time I turn into your road?

I who drive that path every afternoon. Which means I'll think of you every day.

Which I do now anyway.

Marking time.

Just marking time.

Each tick. Tock.

Another second in the time and space continuum. That separates us.

We who work the same suburb.

Share the same street.

Time respects no memory or pain.

Relentless in its savage beat.

There will come a day.

When I won't think of you.

I will leave your imagination.

Though we'll ride the same road.

After this

All I can do
is look at the world
with hope
and walk deeper
into it in love,
whispering:
"I am waiting,
 come find me.
 So we can
 become one,
 who become two,
 who become one."

Figment

Some days I wonder

if you are out there

(flesh and blood).

 

Or if you live

(ephemeral)

in my imagination,

between heartbeats, breaths,

moments of memory

and sweet threads of longing

that tie one letter

to the next.

Deviantart Threads by ~l8